Stephen of Hungary was the son of the chief of the Magyars, a group of Hungarians. He married the sister of the future emperor, Saint Henry, at 20. When Stephen became chief of the Magyars, he instituted Christianity as the country's religions, suppressing pagan revolts. The Pope crowned him king in 1001, when he was 26. He instituted a tithing policy to support the church, pastors, and the poor. He abolished paganism, at swordpoint in some instances, and commanded all his subjects to marry (with the exception of the clergy). In 1031 his son died, and the rest of his life, there was controversy concerning his successor, which included assassination attempts from his own nephews.
I honestly don't see anything particularly saintly about Saint Stephen. All the saints I have covered up to now have had redeeming characteristics that I would like to incorporate into my own life, but this man was a fundamentalist extremist in the worst way, dictating his subjects' religion, marriages, and killing people in the name of religion. I honestly find it offensive that this man was canonized.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Assumption of Mary
While most days on the Catholic calendar are feast days for various saints, there are other days that celebrate special events, such as Jesus' birth. Today is one such day; August 15 is set aside to celebrate the Assumption of Mary, when the mother of Jesus supposedly ascended to heaven, body and all, in the same fashion that Jesus supposedly had.
I usually try to put a the-moral-of-this-story-is spin on the SOTD (saint-of-the-day) pieces on this blog, but there really isn't one here. All I can really say about the Assumption of Mary is that I don't really buy it. The whole virgin birth, Jesus rising from the dead like a holy zombie, then ascending into the clouds, then Mary following him however many years later in the same fashion thing is a little too much for me to swallow. So I don't really have much to say about the Catholic thing today, except to let you know what they're doing today.
I usually try to put a the-moral-of-this-story-is spin on the SOTD (saint-of-the-day) pieces on this blog, but there really isn't one here. All I can really say about the Assumption of Mary is that I don't really buy it. The whole virgin birth, Jesus rising from the dead like a holy zombie, then ascending into the clouds, then Mary following him however many years later in the same fashion thing is a little too much for me to swallow. So I don't really have much to say about the Catholic thing today, except to let you know what they're doing today.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Saint Maximilian Mary Kolbe
When Kolbe was young, he had a vision. He told his parents, "I prayed very hard to Our Lady to tell me what would happen to me. She appeared, holding in her hands two crowns, one white, one red. She asked if I would like to have them—one was for purity, the other for martyrdom. I said, ‘I choose both.’ She smiled and disappeared.” How's that for an answer? As a parent, I have no earthly idea what I would say to that.
He entered a Franciscan seminary in Poland and became a novice at 16. He was interested in science and drew plans for rocket ships. He later received doctorates in philosophy and theology as well, receiving a very well-rounded education.
He was ordained at the age of 24, and took a stand against religious indifference, which he saw as a deadly poison. He founded the Militia of the Immaculata, who "fought" evil with bearing witness of good deeds, prayer, work, and suffering; he then founded Knight of the Immaculata, a religious magazine intended to spread the word about Christianity far and wide. He next established a City of the Immaculata, called Niepokalanow, which housed 700 Franciscans who were involved with the newspaper. He later founded a similar "City" in Nagasaki. Niepokalanow was bombed in 1939 when Poland was overrun by the Nazis. Kolbe and his friars were arrested. In under three months, they were released. Just two years later, he was arrested again when the Nazis came after the leaders. He was sent to Auschwitz.
The story goes that a prisoner had escaped from Auschwitz, and as punishment, ten other men would be killed. The commandant who gave this order, walked in front of the lined-up prisoners, choosing which ones would pay the price for a crime they didn't commit. As the ten chosen men were about to be marched away, Prisoner Number 16670 stepped out of the line, saying, "I would like to take that man's place. He has a wife and children." The commandant asked who he was. "A priest," was the prisoner's reply; he didn't mention his name. The switch was made, and Kolbe was marched, along with the other nine prisoners, to the "block of death," where they were slowly starved to death. Days later, four of these prisoners, including Kolbe, were left alive, and were put to death with injections of carbolic acid.
The one word that jumps out to me while reading this story is "bravery." To stand up and volunteer to die in someone else's place is something I can't imagine. I would like to think that I would do it if I were in that situation, but that's something that you can't say one way or the other what you would do if you've never been in that situation. This is another theme that we've seen in many of the SOTD posts: selflessness. To care so much about a man you'd never have heard of again that you'd give up your life to save theirs? Wow.
He entered a Franciscan seminary in Poland and became a novice at 16. He was interested in science and drew plans for rocket ships. He later received doctorates in philosophy and theology as well, receiving a very well-rounded education.
He was ordained at the age of 24, and took a stand against religious indifference, which he saw as a deadly poison. He founded the Militia of the Immaculata, who "fought" evil with bearing witness of good deeds, prayer, work, and suffering; he then founded Knight of the Immaculata, a religious magazine intended to spread the word about Christianity far and wide. He next established a City of the Immaculata, called Niepokalanow, which housed 700 Franciscans who were involved with the newspaper. He later founded a similar "City" in Nagasaki. Niepokalanow was bombed in 1939 when Poland was overrun by the Nazis. Kolbe and his friars were arrested. In under three months, they were released. Just two years later, he was arrested again when the Nazis came after the leaders. He was sent to Auschwitz.
The story goes that a prisoner had escaped from Auschwitz, and as punishment, ten other men would be killed. The commandant who gave this order, walked in front of the lined-up prisoners, choosing which ones would pay the price for a crime they didn't commit. As the ten chosen men were about to be marched away, Prisoner Number 16670 stepped out of the line, saying, "I would like to take that man's place. He has a wife and children." The commandant asked who he was. "A priest," was the prisoner's reply; he didn't mention his name. The switch was made, and Kolbe was marched, along with the other nine prisoners, to the "block of death," where they were slowly starved to death. Days later, four of these prisoners, including Kolbe, were left alive, and were put to death with injections of carbolic acid.
The one word that jumps out to me while reading this story is "bravery." To stand up and volunteer to die in someone else's place is something I can't imagine. I would like to think that I would do it if I were in that situation, but that's something that you can't say one way or the other what you would do if you've never been in that situation. This is another theme that we've seen in many of the SOTD posts: selflessness. To care so much about a man you'd never have heard of again that you'd give up your life to save theirs? Wow.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Mozzarella at Kroger
For those of you who live in Texas and have a Kroger nearby, I just thought I'd let you know about their fresh mozzarella cheese. They have that fine cheese section, but walk straight past it and go to the back of the store, by the milk, where they have the cheese in vacuum-sealed packages. There, they have some more fresh mozzarella, store-brand, but it's MUCH cheaper. I just tried some on a pizza, and I had a few cubes dipped in balsamic vinegar, and it is just as good as anything you'd get in the specialty cheeses section. Just figured I'd pass it on!
Saint Pontian and Saint Hippolytus
Today, the Catholic church honors not one, but two saints. The reason is that the stories of these two men are intertwined and together, they teach us a valuable lesson.
Saint Pontian was a pope for five years. During this time, he excommunicated the theologian Origen of Alexandria. In retaliation, the Roman emperor banished him to exile in 235, and he resigned his post so that someone else could take over as Pope.
Saint Hippolytus' story is a little more interesting. Hippolytus was a presbyter in Rome and was called "holier than the Church." He had a beef with the pope, saying he was too lenient on a certain heresy, and called him "a tool in the hands" of a deacon named Callistus. As fate would have it, Callistus was elected the next pope. Hippolytus went after him next, accusing him of being too lenient with penitents, and he was elected "antipope" by his followers. He was very rigorous about discipline and was very much a religious extremist who felt that the church was too soft. He remained separated from the church throughout Pontian's reign as Pope, but again, as fate would have it, he was banished in 235 as well; to the same island Pontian had been exiled to, Sardinia. Here he made peace with Pontian, and they died together in exile. They are remembered as martyrs.
While I disagree with Hippolytus' teachings very much and could not find much more information about Pontian, I think there is something to be learned here about reconciliation and putting aside your differences. Hippolytus was finally able, in the end, to look past his and Pontian's religious differences and make peace with the ex-Pope after a lifetime of attacking the church. Perhaps we should focus on apology and forgiveness today. Forgiveness is one of the cornerstones of virtually every religion. Whether you look at Buddha, Jesus, or any other spiritual leader, they all harped on forgiveness more than almost any other virtue. At Creative Life, there is a part of the meditation in which we are told not only to forgive others, but also to forgive ourselves. This is something that I think everyone needs to work on. It is incredibly difficult to forgive others, but it's even more difficult to forgive yourself.
Saint Pontian was a pope for five years. During this time, he excommunicated the theologian Origen of Alexandria. In retaliation, the Roman emperor banished him to exile in 235, and he resigned his post so that someone else could take over as Pope.
Saint Hippolytus' story is a little more interesting. Hippolytus was a presbyter in Rome and was called "holier than the Church." He had a beef with the pope, saying he was too lenient on a certain heresy, and called him "a tool in the hands" of a deacon named Callistus. As fate would have it, Callistus was elected the next pope. Hippolytus went after him next, accusing him of being too lenient with penitents, and he was elected "antipope" by his followers. He was very rigorous about discipline and was very much a religious extremist who felt that the church was too soft. He remained separated from the church throughout Pontian's reign as Pope, but again, as fate would have it, he was banished in 235 as well; to the same island Pontian had been exiled to, Sardinia. Here he made peace with Pontian, and they died together in exile. They are remembered as martyrs.
While I disagree with Hippolytus' teachings very much and could not find much more information about Pontian, I think there is something to be learned here about reconciliation and putting aside your differences. Hippolytus was finally able, in the end, to look past his and Pontian's religious differences and make peace with the ex-Pope after a lifetime of attacking the church. Perhaps we should focus on apology and forgiveness today. Forgiveness is one of the cornerstones of virtually every religion. Whether you look at Buddha, Jesus, or any other spiritual leader, they all harped on forgiveness more than almost any other virtue. At Creative Life, there is a part of the meditation in which we are told not only to forgive others, but also to forgive ourselves. This is something that I think everyone needs to work on. It is incredibly difficult to forgive others, but it's even more difficult to forgive yourself.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Saint Louis of Toulouse
Louis of Toulouse was born into the lap of luxury. His father was a king, and his mother was the daughter of a king. As a boy, Louis showed interest in prayer and other religious work at an early age, and in his childhood, he would take food from the castle and give it to the poor. At the age of 14, he, along with two of his brothers, was taken hostage and brought to the king of Aragon's court. Here, he was tutored by Franciscan friars and he developed his intellectual and spiritual self. He renounced his title and became a priest. He soon became a Franciscan and was then appointed Bishop of Toulouse. In his office as Bishop he still wore the Franciscan habit, begged, and received correction (sometimes in public) from a friar. Louis set aside 75 percent of his income to feed the poor and maintain churches, and he brought 25 poor people to his table every day. Sadly, Louis died at the age of 23. He was canonized twenty years later.
The most amazing thing to me about Saint Louis of Toulouse is his charity and selflessness. To give 75% of your income away? I could not imagine doing that. Can you think of how many lives this man touched? I mean, if you fed twenty-five different people dinner at your table for one week, you've given one-hundred-seventy-five poverty-stricken people a meal. How about a month? You've fed 2,850 people. That is amazing. And what's more, he gave up his title like it was nothing so that he could help people. You don't have to be a Christian to appreciate what this man did with his life. Perhaps today we should focus on charity and selflessness, and try to do something nice for someone else. Give some cash to the man asking for spare change, or round up some things like clothing, canned goods, paper goods, or toiletries and donate them to a shelter for the homeless or for battered women. If you can't spare a penny, sign up to volunteer with the soup kitchen, Habitat for Humanity, or even your local animal shelter.
The most amazing thing to me about Saint Louis of Toulouse is his charity and selflessness. To give 75% of your income away? I could not imagine doing that. Can you think of how many lives this man touched? I mean, if you fed twenty-five different people dinner at your table for one week, you've given one-hundred-seventy-five poverty-stricken people a meal. How about a month? You've fed 2,850 people. That is amazing. And what's more, he gave up his title like it was nothing so that he could help people. You don't have to be a Christian to appreciate what this man did with his life. Perhaps today we should focus on charity and selflessness, and try to do something nice for someone else. Give some cash to the man asking for spare change, or round up some things like clothing, canned goods, paper goods, or toiletries and donate them to a shelter for the homeless or for battered women. If you can't spare a penny, sign up to volunteer with the soup kitchen, Habitat for Humanity, or even your local animal shelter.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Saint Clare
August 11 is reserved for honoring Saint Clare, an Italian nun who lived in the early 1200's. Born Chiara Offreduccio, she was the daughter of a Count. The story goes that she heard Francis of Assisi preaching and was moved. When her parents arranged for her to marry a wealthy young man, she fled her house and sought refuge with Francis.
This is where not all the stories match up. According to some, she was brought back home from a time, and then escaped once again at the age of 18, and she met a group of friars on the road, and in a poor chapel known as the Porticuncula she exchanged her extravagant clothing for a woolen habit, rope belt, and cut her long hair. At this time she joined a Benedictine convent which was stormed by her father and uncles. According to the story, she clung to the church's altar while the siege was going on, and apparently her family eventually gave up or lost.
The other version of the story claims that she joined a convent when she was fifteen, never returning to her father's house after running away the first time. It's not quite so exciting, but a bit more believable.
The stories join back up again to say that her sister Agnes soon joined her at the convent, and that Clare of Assisi, as she was then called, founded the Order of the Poor Ladies. After her death, they would be renamed "The Poor Clares". The Poor Ladies lived a life of absolute poverty, going barefoot, sleeping on the floor, eating daily contributions free of flesh. Their lives were lived in isolation, doing physical labor, and barely speaking. They lived with such rigorous rules that even the pope tried to persuade them to lighten up a bit. Clare replied, "I need to be absolved from my sins, but I do not wish to be absolved from the obligation of following Jesus Christ."
So what can we learn from Saint Clare? The main message she seemed to send was to live in poverty. I personally don't take very much from that because I don't see what good it does the rest of humanity to walk barefoot or sleep on a dirt floor. Just me, I guess. Like the saints we have talked about before, one thing I admire about Clare is her famous stubbornness about changing what she was doing, even refusing to do the bidding of popes, because she felt that what she was doing was right. If you know your history, you know that in the 1200s, it was a BIG DEAL for a Catholic nun to tell the Pope to mind his own damn business. That showed a lot of courage as well as a lot of dedication. Today is a day that we should concentrate on bringing both characteristics into our own lives.
This is where not all the stories match up. According to some, she was brought back home from a time, and then escaped once again at the age of 18, and she met a group of friars on the road, and in a poor chapel known as the Porticuncula she exchanged her extravagant clothing for a woolen habit, rope belt, and cut her long hair. At this time she joined a Benedictine convent which was stormed by her father and uncles. According to the story, she clung to the church's altar while the siege was going on, and apparently her family eventually gave up or lost.
The other version of the story claims that she joined a convent when she was fifteen, never returning to her father's house after running away the first time. It's not quite so exciting, but a bit more believable.
The stories join back up again to say that her sister Agnes soon joined her at the convent, and that Clare of Assisi, as she was then called, founded the Order of the Poor Ladies. After her death, they would be renamed "The Poor Clares". The Poor Ladies lived a life of absolute poverty, going barefoot, sleeping on the floor, eating daily contributions free of flesh. Their lives were lived in isolation, doing physical labor, and barely speaking. They lived with such rigorous rules that even the pope tried to persuade them to lighten up a bit. Clare replied, "I need to be absolved from my sins, but I do not wish to be absolved from the obligation of following Jesus Christ."
So what can we learn from Saint Clare? The main message she seemed to send was to live in poverty. I personally don't take very much from that because I don't see what good it does the rest of humanity to walk barefoot or sleep on a dirt floor. Just me, I guess. Like the saints we have talked about before, one thing I admire about Clare is her famous stubbornness about changing what she was doing, even refusing to do the bidding of popes, because she felt that what she was doing was right. If you know your history, you know that in the 1200s, it was a BIG DEAL for a Catholic nun to tell the Pope to mind his own damn business. That showed a lot of courage as well as a lot of dedication. Today is a day that we should concentrate on bringing both characteristics into our own lives.
Monday, August 10, 2009
St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross
I'm playing catch-up, since I have been out of commission for a couple weeks.
August 9 was the day of Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross. Born Edith Stein, she was a Jew, but renounced Judaism in her teens. She attended school for philosophy and went into teaching. Her teaching job in Munich was taken away from her by the Nazis on account of her Jewish heritage. She ended up converting to Christianity and joining the Carmelites in 1934. It was at this time that she took the name Teresa Benedicta of the Cross. Six years later, she was arrested by the Nazis. She died with her sister, Rosa, two years later, on August 9, 1942, in a gas chamber in Auschwitz. Over her life, she wrote a great deal, totalling 17 volumes, most of which are books on philosophy.
The part of this story that speaks the most loudly to most people is, of course, the horrific way that Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross died. One thing that I found interesting was the way that she continued to honor her mother's faith throughout her life, even after she had converted to Christianity. So many people have no respect or appreciation for religions other than their own, and I think it is so important for us to look at all of them with the same amount of respect. You can learn something from everyone.
August 9 was the day of Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross. Born Edith Stein, she was a Jew, but renounced Judaism in her teens. She attended school for philosophy and went into teaching. Her teaching job in Munich was taken away from her by the Nazis on account of her Jewish heritage. She ended up converting to Christianity and joining the Carmelites in 1934. It was at this time that she took the name Teresa Benedicta of the Cross. Six years later, she was arrested by the Nazis. She died with her sister, Rosa, two years later, on August 9, 1942, in a gas chamber in Auschwitz. Over her life, she wrote a great deal, totalling 17 volumes, most of which are books on philosophy.
The part of this story that speaks the most loudly to most people is, of course, the horrific way that Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross died. One thing that I found interesting was the way that she continued to honor her mother's faith throughout her life, even after she had converted to Christianity. So many people have no respect or appreciation for religions other than their own, and I think it is so important for us to look at all of them with the same amount of respect. You can learn something from everyone.
SOTD :: Saint Lawrence
Today is a feast day, a day dedicated to honor a saint who is held in such high esteem by the Catholic church that it is mandatory for Catholics to go to church today. In short, he is a rock star of the ranks of the Catholic saints and blesseds. This saint is St. Lawrence, an extraordinary man who lived during the early days of the Catholic church. St. Lawrence is the patron saint of cooks and the poor. I was excited to learn about him, as I am both! (Even though I'm not Catholic.)
I have consulted Google and discovered the following. Lawrence was a deacon under Pope St. Sixtus II, who was eventually put to death. Four days after the pope's demise, Lawrence and four clerics were murdered. A church was built over the martyr's tomb, and it is one of the seven principal churches of Rome and is a popular destination for religious pilgrimages.
There is a common story about Lawrence's last few days. In Rome, Lawrence was responsible for the material goods of the Church, and he was responsible for distributing charity to the poor. When he discovered he would be arrested, he hunted down the poor, widows and orphans of the city and gave them everything he could, even selling some of the church's material goods in order to do so. When the prefect of Rome heard this, he decided the Christians must be very wealthy. He sent for Lawrence and ordered him to surrender all the church's fine objects, as the emperor needed them to maintain his military forces.
Lawrence told the prefect that the church was, in fact, rich. He asked for some time to set everythign in order and make an inventory. Three days later, the prefect arrived to see rows and rows of blind, lame, leprous, orphaned and widowed people. Lawrence stated, "These are the treasure of the Church."
Supposedly, the prefect was furious, and he had a huge gridiron prepared over hot coals, and had Lawrence placed upon it. After Lawrence had suffered for a long time, he famously said, "It is well done. Turn me over!"
It's my opinion that these stories do not exist for us to accept as historical fact and then forget. What we need to do when examining anything, whether it is the Bible, the Koran, the teachings of Buddha, or even the lives of noteworthy people like St. Lawrence, is to examine the story, question it, and try to learn from it.
What this story says to me is that if you feel something is right, you should do it, even if you are told to do otherwise, whether by an authority figure such as the prefect, by a certain belief system, or even by your peers and friends. You should always stay true to yourself, your beliefs and your ethics. If you have any additional thoughts about the story of Saint Lawrence, please share in a comment!
I have consulted Google and discovered the following. Lawrence was a deacon under Pope St. Sixtus II, who was eventually put to death. Four days after the pope's demise, Lawrence and four clerics were murdered. A church was built over the martyr's tomb, and it is one of the seven principal churches of Rome and is a popular destination for religious pilgrimages.
There is a common story about Lawrence's last few days. In Rome, Lawrence was responsible for the material goods of the Church, and he was responsible for distributing charity to the poor. When he discovered he would be arrested, he hunted down the poor, widows and orphans of the city and gave them everything he could, even selling some of the church's material goods in order to do so. When the prefect of Rome heard this, he decided the Christians must be very wealthy. He sent for Lawrence and ordered him to surrender all the church's fine objects, as the emperor needed them to maintain his military forces.
Lawrence told the prefect that the church was, in fact, rich. He asked for some time to set everythign in order and make an inventory. Three days later, the prefect arrived to see rows and rows of blind, lame, leprous, orphaned and widowed people. Lawrence stated, "These are the treasure of the Church."
Supposedly, the prefect was furious, and he had a huge gridiron prepared over hot coals, and had Lawrence placed upon it. After Lawrence had suffered for a long time, he famously said, "It is well done. Turn me over!"
It's my opinion that these stories do not exist for us to accept as historical fact and then forget. What we need to do when examining anything, whether it is the Bible, the Koran, the teachings of Buddha, or even the lives of noteworthy people like St. Lawrence, is to examine the story, question it, and try to learn from it.
What this story says to me is that if you feel something is right, you should do it, even if you are told to do otherwise, whether by an authority figure such as the prefect, by a certain belief system, or even by your peers and friends. You should always stay true to yourself, your beliefs and your ethics. If you have any additional thoughts about the story of Saint Lawrence, please share in a comment!
The Journey
What is my journey?
Jesse's last two talks were the first half of a series discussing the Hero's Journey. The basic idea is that every story, including the stories of our own lives, follows a certain plot and all stories share certain fundamental elements. The first week, we discussed the call, when the hero is called upon to do something. "Something" could be completing a task, going somewhere, achieving something physical or intangible, or any number of things.
I think I would be all right if I could identify the damn call in the first place. What am I supposed to do? What is my purpose? My boyfriend has pointed out (several times) that he doesn't feel that I am passionate about nursing. For those of you who don't know, I am taking prerequisite courses to get into nursing school. The truth is, I am not passionate about it. I like the thought of doing something more meaningful and significant than pushing paper, contributing to making someone else's vision a reality, but I don't feel the hunger for a medical career the way some of my classmates do.
The cold hard truth is that I'm not sure I am passionate about anything but my daughter, and I can hardly make a career out of that. I mean, I could if I was a stay-at-home-mom-slash-housewife, but that is rather difficult to pull off when you're not a wife to begin with.
And so I'm back at square one, sitting here alone with a beer, a few loose-leaf sheets of paper, a cigarette in one hand and a glittery gel pen in the other, pouring my heart out to be typed up in my blog later, not that anyone will ever stumble across it anyway, and not a single clue as to where to go with my life from here.
Today, Jesse said that when a person in our society feels that they are missing something in their lives, they tend to go shopping. Sometimes they do that literally, trying to fill that empty space with tangible, material things, while at other times they "shop" for new hobbies, religions or friends. I immediately recognized the pattern he described, because it is what I have done my entire life. With me, it's always a new art project, writing project, a new hobby, a new lifestyle, a new place. I don't actually finish any of it, of course. It's just a nice little distraction until I become engrossed in something else. In the end, I am nowhere closer to being sated. What will fill that hole? Is that hole even really there, or am I just imagining that there is something missing?
I saw the movie Julie & Julia today, and it really touched me. Both cdharacters were lost in their own way, and they found salvation through cooking and writing. With just these two things, they were validated, satisfied, and even admired. Is that how it is supposed to play out off the big screen? You try enough things and you stumble across some hobby or job that makes your life perfect and complete? Or is the popularity of the book and the movie a testament to the fact that everyone feels lost like theis their entire lives, and that nothing has ever been able to fix it?
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, "If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it; every arrow that flies feels the attraction of Earth." Sometimes it feels as if every arrow I let fly hits the ground, but I don't know how to aim higher, especially when I can't even see the target I'm supposed to be shooting at.
Jesse's last two talks were the first half of a series discussing the Hero's Journey. The basic idea is that every story, including the stories of our own lives, follows a certain plot and all stories share certain fundamental elements. The first week, we discussed the call, when the hero is called upon to do something. "Something" could be completing a task, going somewhere, achieving something physical or intangible, or any number of things.
I think I would be all right if I could identify the damn call in the first place. What am I supposed to do? What is my purpose? My boyfriend has pointed out (several times) that he doesn't feel that I am passionate about nursing. For those of you who don't know, I am taking prerequisite courses to get into nursing school. The truth is, I am not passionate about it. I like the thought of doing something more meaningful and significant than pushing paper, contributing to making someone else's vision a reality, but I don't feel the hunger for a medical career the way some of my classmates do.
The cold hard truth is that I'm not sure I am passionate about anything but my daughter, and I can hardly make a career out of that. I mean, I could if I was a stay-at-home-mom-slash-housewife, but that is rather difficult to pull off when you're not a wife to begin with.
And so I'm back at square one, sitting here alone with a beer, a few loose-leaf sheets of paper, a cigarette in one hand and a glittery gel pen in the other, pouring my heart out to be typed up in my blog later, not that anyone will ever stumble across it anyway, and not a single clue as to where to go with my life from here.
Today, Jesse said that when a person in our society feels that they are missing something in their lives, they tend to go shopping. Sometimes they do that literally, trying to fill that empty space with tangible, material things, while at other times they "shop" for new hobbies, religions or friends. I immediately recognized the pattern he described, because it is what I have done my entire life. With me, it's always a new art project, writing project, a new hobby, a new lifestyle, a new place. I don't actually finish any of it, of course. It's just a nice little distraction until I become engrossed in something else. In the end, I am nowhere closer to being sated. What will fill that hole? Is that hole even really there, or am I just imagining that there is something missing?
I saw the movie Julie & Julia today, and it really touched me. Both cdharacters were lost in their own way, and they found salvation through cooking and writing. With just these two things, they were validated, satisfied, and even admired. Is that how it is supposed to play out off the big screen? You try enough things and you stumble across some hobby or job that makes your life perfect and complete? Or is the popularity of the book and the movie a testament to the fact that everyone feels lost like theis their entire lives, and that nothing has ever been able to fix it?
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, "If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it; every arrow that flies feels the attraction of Earth." Sometimes it feels as if every arrow I let fly hits the ground, but I don't know how to aim higher, especially when I can't even see the target I'm supposed to be shooting at.
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